HIS NEIGHBOUR'S ASS

There was once an Englishman who lived in Spain. One day, he paid a visit to his friend and his friend's then girlfriend in their little house in Hampshire, the garden of England.Filled with the spirit of bonhomie and two pints of Stella Artois (which was more than his limit and brought him out in a rash) he invited the couple to visit him and his lady wife in the fair city of Madrid.But, he made an addendum to this invitation (in his patented Yorkshire Accent):"If tha cums, tha not embarrasin' mi by dressin' lark tourists!"So the next day, the Englishman and the soon to be erstwhile girlfriend, bought his friend, who, as it happens, turned out to be your Uncle Harry, some new holiday threads.When Uncle Harry saw them, he stood back and gazed in amazement, for they were real BRITISH LAGER LOUT ABROAD threads. The prize of the collection was a pair of khaki, knee length shorts.Not to put too fine a point of it, your Uncle Harry is far too hip to wear any such appalling strides and on the visit to Madrid, left them hidden at the bottom of his suitcase.Whilst strolling around the fair Spanish capital, it became apparent to your esteemed Uncle Harry that the Englishman COVETED HIS KHAKI SHORTS!!!A deal was struck which involved two Spanish release only Pentangle albums, and soon the Englishman, (not wanting to look like a tourist in his chosen hometown you understand) strolled around it's streets and gardens sporting his new khaki shorts.To his dismay, local youths giggled at the sight of his pale English knees and passing truck drivers wolf whistled from their elevated positions.Wracked with embarrassment at such an error of judgment, the Englishman tried to get his Pentangle albums back and to return the offending fashion item.Uncle Harry was having none of it! A deal is a deal.So, my dears, the moral of this frightening tale is: be careful what you wish for...And covet not thine neighbor's ass! Or Whatever.